You'd think that getting a promotion can only lead to feeling more confident right? But a weird thing can happen when you're promoted into leadership. The opposite might occur.
It can be especially difficult to deal with since up until this point, you've only been getting more and more proficient at your job. And you've probably realised how much you know about your field of work.
For all that to come crashing down at this late stage can be pretty disconcerting. But let's clear up why this happens in the first place.
Here are 9 reasons you've lost confidence since becoming a leader:
1. The more you know, the more you realise there is to know
If you think back to anything you've ever learned to do, there's a first stage of being blissfully unaware of how much there is to know. Then reality dawns on you, there is so much left to learn!
This can happen when you become a leader. At first you think, "How hard can it be? I can't do any worse than the leaders I've had in the past." But you soon come to realise that it's actually a pretty complex role and there are lots of skills you need to master.
It's a natural part of the 4 stages of learning. This is the "conscious incompetence" stage:
(Side note: the "unconscious incompetence" stage explains why there are so many very confident silly billies out there...)
2. You're comparing your leadership skills with those who have been doing it for decades
If I had a penny for every time a coaching client has said to me, "But there's this one director at work who's just AMAZING! They always know the right thing to say and they make it look so effortless. I'll never be like them."
It's great that you've got a fabulous role model to look up to. But remember that they've literally had their leadership role for decades longer than you. Anyone can become good at something if they spend enough time practising it!
3. You feel your title comes with an expectation that you shouldn't make mistakes
Going into your leadership role feeling like you can't make errors does two things:
It puts you under a crazy amount of pressure (because it's literally impossible)
It forces you to put on a fake hard exterior when things do go wrong
Those who feel they can't make mistakes will do everything they can to hide the fact that they made one. This becomes a bigger and bigger secret problem until it bursts and becomes obvious to everyone.
(It's not true by the way. Everyone can and will make mistakes no matter what level you're at.)
4. You've been promoted from a technical role to a role that requires a completely different skillset
This is especially true for those working in STEM. You've likely been promoted to leadership because you were amazing at your technical role. So it makes total sense that the next step is to do something completely unrelated to your technical skill and manage people in a team...
I'm being extremely sarcastic there. It makes zero sense and yet it continues to be normal practise. When you become senior enough, you manage people. Whether or not you want to or if you're any good at it.
So to expect yourself to be as proficient as leadership as you were your technical role off the bat is fairly unrealistic.
5. You've learned your leadership skills from role models you can't relate to
This is a big one for women in STEM. You've probably never had a leader you relate to or want to be like in future. So when you do become a leader, you find yourself borrowing their leadership methods which you absolutely hate.
You might hear yourself say something you'd never say in regular life, or behave in a way you don't like. It's only because that's the only way you've ever been taught to lead and it doesn't feel true to you.
The more you act like someone you're not, the more you feel like you have pretend to be someone else to be a good leader. That makes you feel like an impostor, hence the feeling of impostor syndrome.
6. You're at a stage in life where the stakes are higher if you lost your job
If I can stereotype for a moment here, it's likely that the time you become a leader is also a time in life where you now have other responsibilities.
Maybe you've bought a house and have a mortgage to pay. You might have children or elderly parents to support financially. You could be planning a huge event like a wedding. If you lost your job now, it would have a huge knock on effect to you and other people in your life.
When the stakes are higher, you might find yourself fearing (more than before) that you said the wrong thing or upset the wrong person.
7. You're afraid of confrontation. Now it's part of your daily life as a leader
Most people hate confrontation. Most women grew up being taught to not question, to stay quiet and to not make a fuss. Now it's your job!
If ever there was a complete flip in role expectations, its when a woman becomes a leader and suddenly has to start confronting team members. It could be about performance or questioning a decision that was made. It's also necessary to confront their superiors when they think something's not right.
This immediate change leaves new female leaders feeling out of their depth. They've never been taught how to confront others before. In fact they were encouraged to avoid it up until this very point.
8. It's not as clear when you've done a good job
In your technical role, it was obvious when you'd done a good job. The system became more efficient. A bug was fixed. The project was finished. There was a tangible result when you did well.
In leadership, it can be hard to see when you've done a good job. You may have prevented a team member from leaving because they enjoy working with you so much. You could have made a really difficult decision which still resulted in someone being upset.
It's a lot harder to find evidence that you've done your job well as a leader and this can make you feel less confident in your role.
(If you're reading this, please go and tell one of your leaders what you think they do well! It will mean the world to them, I promise.)
9. There's no support. You have fewer peers and your directors have no time for you
Before you took on your leadership role, you had more peers. You could speak to them for advice, or find comfort in complaining with them about stuff you're finding hard. You also had more superiors to tell you how to do things and take you under their wing.
Leadership can be a lonely place. You could go from having a whole team of peers to having zero people at your level. On top of that, it seems like your superiors are so "important" and busy that they hardly have time to help you.
What can you do about it?
This article wasn't intended to make you lose hope. If you're a female leader in STEM and you can relate to any of these points, you are not alone! And also there's something you can do about it if you want to.
A good starting place would be to come along to my free web class called "Increase Your Confidence as a Leader in STEM".
This one's for you if you're a woman in STEM who wants to up your confidence in your leadership role. By the end of the class you'll:
✨ Understand why you’re feeling less confident now you're a leader
✨Learn practical strategies to increase your confidence in your role
✨Feel empowered to take back control of your career satisfaction
Click here to register for free. I look forward to seeing you there!
Can you relate to any of these 9 points in this article? I'd love to hear which ones. Let me know in the comments below.